Hi friends. It’s been a while since I’ve written on the blog like this. I miss this act of writing though, as blogging is still my number one love.
Art, Depression and Mommy Diary
I know the word “blogger” seems antiquated now, as it’s been replaced by words like “content creator” and “influencer.” I’ve adopted these new titles and I genuinely enjoy creating short form video content but like some of you may already know, writing is my truest art form and I still believe in my heart that that’s what I’m meant to do in this lifetime.
This morning I woke up with a heavy heart, the eerily familiar feelings of a depressive mind. If you’re new around here you may not know that I suffered from depression in my teens as well as after I became a mother.
My experience with postpartum depression and special needs parenting is what prompted my desire to become a blogger as I had many honest stories to tell, stories that I believed can help many others like me.
What Bigbang & TOP (Choi Seung Hyun) means to me
Ironically enough, extra sensitive and feeling souls like me somehow find each other, and I became obsessed with Choi Seung Hyun’s (also known as TOP from a K-pop group called BIGBANG)’s music during this time when I was struggling through depression. Something about his voice and soul caught my eye (and heart) and it was a natural gateway into BIGBANG’s music and the fandom called VIP.
I’m not the type to obsess over “boy bands” so this was entirely new. And it turns out, TOP too, was an extra sensitive child who struggled with depression his whole life. A few years ago after a minor scandal involving marijuana, he attempted suicide then disappeared from the public eye.
I read his first interview after a 5-year hiatus this morning and it triggered all sorts of feelings and thoughts.
Our battle with depression is not a linear journey as the symptoms can come back when you least expect them.
Healing from depression is not a linear journey
This morning I felt the same heaviness I felt years ago. The difference is I now recognize it and have strategies to re-direct my mind. I don’t dwell upon the feelings so much anymore or attempt to psychoanalyze it. I feel it, acknowledge it and decide to be gentler on myself that day. And I have a lot of tasks awaiting me but I’m putting them all aside to write this blog post.
It’s okay, everything else can wait.
This time is for me, my feelings, my thoughts and for you too, if you’re a soul like us. We recognize and gravitate toward each other, and that’s what makes this life even more meaningful.
This is perhaps the universe’s way of letting us know that we are not alone in this journey.
I wish my art form was music. If there’s one talent I wish I had it’s the gift of voice, but unfortunately, God didn’t give me that in this lifetime. Instead, I have the gift of words and that is what I want to offer you today.
Where I’m headed with Mommy Diary
I’ve been blogging and creating content on here for 7 years now and I still love what I do. I know how lucky I am to be able to work from home and achieve financial independence without a 9-5 job. In fact, 2021 was my biggest year in terms of revenue and I made money that I never thought was possible.
But in the end, I didn’t feel all that fulfilled. The money was great but it didn’t serve my soul the way writing does. I want to write and create to serve others, to inspire others to live more fulfilling and promising lives.
And in order to do that, I first have to lead a more fulfilling and promising life myself. Then I have to make boss moves and take a leap of faith.
I’m investing in myself by hiring another team member so I can free up more time for writing and serving others. I’m not sure exactly how that looks like yet but I have some plans.
By documenting my story and journey online, I hope to inspire others to live a more freedom-filled life so they can discover the true authentic joy that I feel most of the time.
I hope to remind others that roadblocks like depression, anxiety, and disability are not the end of the road like I once thought.
There’s an even greater journey on the other side of that wall you’ve just reached, and that is what Mommy Diary is about.
Today a light fog of depression veils that joy. But this is also when I get to sit down to write like this, so I welcome it. Depression is a part of my story and I’ll never turn my back on her.
If you’re reading this far, you must be a soul like me. Thank you and welcome. I’m glad we found each other.
“I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me.” – Virginia Woolf